The internet loves to glamorize success, and that’s great. Who doesn’t love a success story?
The perfectly curated morning routines, the motivational quotes overlaid on sunset photos, the before-and-after transformations that make self-improvement look like a straight line from point A to point B.
But what about the part you don’t see? If you’ve ever actually tried to improve your life, you know the truth. It’s hard. It’s awkward. It’s exhausting and filled with setbacks. Let’s talk about the stuff that doesn’t make the highlight reel.
This is what I wish someone had told me before I started on my journey of self improvement.
1. Be Careful Who You Listen To
In the age of social media, everyone—and their grandmother (and yes, even their dog) are giving out advice. Everyone thinks they’re a guru. I’ve fallen into the trap myself, following content creators who seemed insightful at first only to realize weeks or months later that their advice wasn’t actually realistic, helpful, or even true. We need to be selective and also practice discernment. Not every voice deserves our attention.
2. Don’t Chase Someone Else’s Path to Success
What’s good for the goose isn’t always good for the gander. Sure, you can be inspired by others but the problem starts when you try to replicate their exact steps. What worked for them might not work for you and thats okay. That life. Don’t waste time trying to copy someone else’s blueprint. Your Journey is Unique to You. You need to create a plan that fits your lifestyle, your goals and budget. Tailor your path to what actually works for you.
3. Set Realistic Expectations
You’ve seen the YouTube titles: “Become Unrecognizable by Summer” or “Disappear for 6 Months and Shock Everyone.” No? Maybe it’s just me.
But seriously, if you’re looking for quick fixes or overnight results, this journey probably isn’t for you. There has been plenty of times where I’ve felt frustrated and a little defeated. I’ve caught myself wondering, Why does it feel like I’m not making any progress? or Why do I keep repeating the same mistakes when I know better?
There will be setbacks, plateaus, and moments where you can’t help but wonder if your old life was really all that bad. Growth is slow, frustrating, and not always obvious until one day it’s undeniable.
4. People Might Not Be Comfortable With the New You
This was one of the biggest mental hurdles for me. What will my family think? What will my friends say?
I knew I couldn’t let that stop me though so I decided to push through and just let them adjust to the new version of me over time.
Thankfully it wasn’t as bad as I was thinking it would be. Most were supportive, and the ones who weren’t were mostly just confused. They didn’t understand the change and there was plenty of playful teasing, but that’s just how we are.
I’ve been lucky not to experience any outright negativity, but I know people who’ve lost relationships because of personal growth. Not everyone is comfortable with change, and some won’t like the new you. You have to be mentally prepared for that. Don’t wait for approval. If you’re proud of who you’re becoming, that’s what matters most.
5. Imposter Syndrome
Imposter syndrome is more common than people think. Studies show up to 70% of people experience it at some point. And it usually shows up when we’re trying something new like starting a job or pursuing a new goal like self improvement.
So yes at first it will feel uncomfortable. Like you’re putting on an act. Your mind is wrestling against the change saying: What are you doing? This isn’t you. You look ridiculous.
I remember when I started exercising, I felt so self-conscious. I was convinced everyone was watching me, silently judging, thinking I didn’t belong there. But that discomfort is part of the process. It’s like your brain’s still running old software. It hasn’t been updated to the new version of you yet. You just need to keep showing up until your brain get the memo that this is who you are now.
6. Growth Feels Lonely Sometimes
One thing I don’t think gets talked about enough is how isolating personal growth can be at times. Studies show we’re far more motivated to take action when we’re part of a group. Without external accountability and social reinforcement, our drive often diminishes over time, making it harder to stick to new habits or goals.
This isn’t always the case of course, but for me I enjoy the solitude. Those quiet early morning walks feel like I have the whole world to myself, and there’s something so refreshing about that stillness. But I was surprised by how happy I felt when my sister started joining me on my walks. The time passed so much faster while we’re just chatting and I look forward to it far more than I did before. While this journey is often one you’ll take on your own, I highly recommend joining a walking group or hiking club if you can. Having that sense of community can make the experience even more meaningful.
7. You’ll Still Struggle With Old Habits
Oh boy, do I have experience with this and it’s another topic I don’t think we talk about nearly enough. Just because you’ve made the decision to improve your life doesn’t mean the things that once held you back magically disappear. Sorry to disappoint, but the familiar pull of past habits will show up, especially when you’re tired, overwhelmed, or just having a bad day.
For me, it’s Saturday mornings. I’m still tempted to scroll endlessly in bed, just like I used to. I’ve gotten better at resisting it, but the urge is still present. You’re not erasing old habits, you’re learning to manage them better.
8. Your Definition of Success Will Change
You’re not going to be the same person you were five or ten years ago and because of that, your goals and priorities will change too.
What used to be important to you a few years back might not hold the same weight today. And what once felt impossible might now feel doable simply because you’ve grown and gained confidence.
A few months ago, I found a list of goals I wrote four years ago. One of them was to own a car and a house after paying off my debt. Back then, I was convinced the fastest way to get there was by taking out a loan. Well I paid off my debt and do you know what happened?
I became deathly allergic to going into debt again so I refused to take out any kind of loans no matter how small. Instead I took my time, saved up, and eventually bought my car outright. Now, I own my own car, and my house is halfway done and I don’t owe anyone a cent. It’s taking longer, sure. But I’m okay with that because I now realize that I’m not on anyone’s timeline, but my own. Success for me is no longer about ownership but the freedom to live my life on my own terms.
9. Motivation Won’t Always Be There
Thankfully, I learned pretty early that while motivation is great, it’s discipline that ensures you stay consistent. The discipline to not reach for your phone first thing in the morning. The discipline to get started on those tasks you’ve been putting off whether that’s from fear of failure or lack of motivation.
Lately, it’s been about finishing old sewing projects. Once I started when I felt inspired but never finished once the excitement wore off. That’s why I’ve learned to rely more on discipline than fleeting moments of motivation. Motivation is good to get you started but it’s discipline that keeps you going when you start experiencing challenges and setbacks.
10. You’ll Question If It’s Even Worth It
I know this is the part where I’m supposed to say, “Yes, 100% it’s worth it.” But truthfully? It depends. I believe if you’re genuinely happy with where you are in life, there’s no rule that says you have to change. Not all change is positive. Life isn’t one giant self-improvement project. Not everything needs to be optimized. I think this leveling up and hustle culture is getting quite toxic. It turns growth into a never-ending to-do list and that only leads to burnt out.
That said, if your answer is yes—because it’s something you want for yourself (not because someone on YouTube or Instagram told you to do it) then go for it. Just focus on the things that will actually improve your quality of life and make you feel better about your decision in the long term.
Final Thoughts
If you’ve made it this far, you already know: self improvement isn’t as clean or pretty as the internet makes it look.
I understand that all of this sounds scary, that’s how most things feel when you’re doing them for the first time. Please don’t let that stop you. If this is something you truly want for yourself, don’t get discouraged. And if you fall off track? That’s completely fine. Just pick it back up and keep going.
I’d love to know: what part of this post hit home for you? Share your thoughts in the comments and if it helped you in any way, feel free to pass it along to someone who might need to hear it too.
